A · visceral · disappointment · perhaps, · but · you · couldn’t · read · between · the · lines.

bands everywhere! ahhhhhh

super super fantastic. i got my fire back.

oh, anyone planning to sleep after a night out, dont drink a thousand red bull and vodkas.
+++++++

'I do not wish to labour the obvious'. (Thomas More)

Best dinner ever last night. I got to have 3 girlfriends for the night. It is times like that I realize how fucking lucky I really am. Greek food rocks my socks. I noticed that a restaurant that used to be our favorite has closed. Just one more thing that is buried in the sand. So I had some scary shit running through my mind this morning when I read through my send messages. Drunk girls playing with your new phone has consequences people. But I sent out a few explanatory messages this morning and laughed about it. Arthouse tonight. Dress warm. Bring sleeping equipment. This morning was another postcode, another bed. I went home quickly.

I feel as though I have been on holiday. I have spent the last 2 nights away from my house and bed. One night I crashed on a couch in Cronulla. Saturday night we slept on the floor in a Balmain apartment. So punk rock of us, we loved it. Last night topped Friday night on the scale of outrageous fun. Got down and dirty dancing doing the ‘jig’ and the girl behind that bar gave me a triple scotch and coke. Not bad seeing I didn’t ask for it. Sleazy Kings Cross kebabs and singing along with men playing guitars in the street, and trying to get a cab, not getting one, feeling too cold, and opting to go in another bar instead for more drinks. Pulling away from some drunk girl trying to pash you. Honestly I don’t remember a time where we danced so much. Sweat. Alcohol. Lights. A dodgy smoke machine and DJ’s that have sore ears. (the comfort the soreness by putting the shoulder to the ear. A classic DJ pose.)

One more night and again I had to consider that I could well be the luckiest man in the universe. Music coming along swimmingly. We are going to make the people dance and secretly watch. You write anonymous club tunes and the dance. I’ll take the higher ground cause you don’t have legs to stand on. You move, you shake. You pioneer thrash dancing and you are lost in yourself as you shield bot bot from a creepy old dude trying to get all up in her face. Producing on a laptop. Souvenir of the past and you scream. You scream out and the air leaves your lungs. We were talking about death and the possibility that you will not witness your own death. Like it is possible to just die in your sleep for no reason. There is no event that crystallizes you final moment. No big story. What if you just disappeared and you died and that was that. Do we want a peaceful death or do we want to know that we are dieing?

The new knife song comes on. You basically drop everything and run to the centre of the dance space. Sharing bands, sharing ideas and sharing conceptual diagrams written on used serviette. I cant remember the last time I felt so free. I have gone through some massive life changes this year. But it is my life and it is up to me and me alone to instigate and deal with consequences of actions of the other.

Looks like I will be in Thailand for new years eve. Last year I made a promise to myself that I would never stand idle for a new years eve again. And Sydney people will all go easy on NY’s cause of plans made for new years day. I consider that bringing in a fresh new year in a whole other country is something I have missed. Expect photography. Expect debauchery.

I am being an art kid again at long last. I am painting pictures, another thing I haven’t really shown interest in for a long long time. Today I am making a shirt. The more and more I write shitty songs, and the more and more I rewrite them, the closer I get to being able to actually show her what I have done. Some what of a paradox that the thing that gives me most pleasure is the thing I am most scared to share with others. But I am working on it religiously. I guess it is really the first time I have gone back and reexamined structure and content and made what I call ‘improvements’ to stuff. Right now I am watching the new pink floyd dvd, and it is probably a little too loud, but that’s the way it will stay.

Making art for girls is fun. Especially when they have just moved out and their kitchen has matching pastel coloured appliances. Blue and pink. It is so fifties sexy. I ended up sleeping on the couch again last night. I told myself it was because I wasn’t well, but really I know I have problems sleeping in that room and in that bed. My big sister suggested that I move my bed into another position, but my tangram bedroom will just not fit into any other shapes. Either that or my math is way off. But I am working on a restructure plan. Actually it could even be called an, ‘evacuation’ plan. At least I managed to stay home. It wasn’t easy actually. No matter how unwell I felt, I still kept getting texts from various clusters of friends enquiring over my whereabouts, and this a was great temptation. But alas, one night down, one to go.

The tips of my fingers are black and, stained by my fret board. Me and my Maton are getting real close. Sometimes it makes me bleed, but I don’t mind at all. My gosh at Paul Dempsey’s solo gig, there was this cute band called Angus and Julia Stone. They are brother and sister, and Julia is gorgeous. I think they will be hot stuff in a few months. Lets see shall we? God dam my mac is running slow and I feel our time together is limited. Might get me a shiny black one instead.

+++ +++++ ++++++ ++++++++ ++ + + + ++ + ++ + ++ +++ +

Took your pictures off the wall,
Took your make up out the draw,
Picked your clothes up off the floor,
I couldn’t love you any more.

Took your tooth brush out the sink,
Then I got myself a drink,
Oh my how it makes me think,
How you were never there.

Playing a part in a big screen movie with no happy ending. But I took some more photos.

+LOVE MY GRAIN+

This push and shove of body language as she bites her bottom lip and shifts her feet so her airborne crossed leg’s foot points like an arrow. An arrow for him. Now what else does do in a situation like this? There are no others around. It is late and they are not in the gaurds compartment.

Now he is floating, or something else. And all those words, all those games, don’t add up to anything but a bus skank. But in the heat of battle all say that it is alright oh all so alright.

Elevators seriously monopolize his time as he waits to be taken both higher and lower. Boy is a flesh yo yo and every thing isn’t quite as it seems, but then it never was. He is not confused, just surprised and shocked at the way someone who he thought he knew was never there at all. What a fucking actor. And all the words that don’t mean anything, she holds her pattern in the sky, and he sails on a boat that is filling with water.

And he has nothing evolved from something and he complains, that he isn’t quite the same. But he will listen to what is said, and he will learn while she is dead. And all he needs to think about is the near future and a weekend in Melbourne with cheap Hilton rates she gets and cheap flights we get and pleasant company for trashy nights.

By Dan. (and his ghosts)

Can't wait till thursday night. WOO one last song before overseas?

Current Mood:	refreshed
Current Music:	thom york in the background.

If you walk away I'll walk away
Just tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue walk this way, now walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving she wakes up and says
I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby, don't go away, come here

And there's kids playing guns in the street
One's pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up, said Enough is Enough
If you walk away, I'll walk away
Then he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure
For my landlocked blues
It will pass away, like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again
You'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
But it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

And I'm drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
And it all boils down to one quotable phrase:
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for a possible heart
And you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background from a televised war
And in that deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
If we walk away, they'll walk away

But greed is a bottomless pit
And all freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you're still free, start running away
Cos we're coming for you

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying "Let me walk away, please"

You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language in measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Tell them walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I don't know where to
No, I'm leaving, but I don't know where to
--------------------------------------------------

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up
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Such a pity to relate to something years too late.
Such a pity to relate to something years too late.
But how was I meant to know i am just a fucking stupid boy.

So i am still writing on the train like a mad man. Music again now too. in my head. The urge to sing on the train grows ever more.
Samples will float on here time to time.
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And you bent the rules, out of shape. And I fell down, on your escape.

I talked to everyone in the room and they gave me a bass guitar and before I knew it, me, a guy with a sax, and a man with long un-kept hair on drums were jamming for the whole party.

As my weekends get exponentially more random, so does my rate of enjoyment. Monday mornings my new friends welcome my smile and listen attentively as I recite the weekend past. Everything really does happen for a reason, sometimes it just takes us time to realize.

Is a kiss on the lips common place as a friendly goodbye? Twice now. Well three but I don’t count the first girl. So much to learn. Time.